The Shopkeeper's thoughts

        When not working in the shop I paint pictures and write, I often have a go at writing poems, I have published a book of illustrated poems. Each poem I have written an introduction with thoughts on what inspired me. The book is called 'Poems by a Country Lass' I appeared on 'Britain's got Talent' the poem I performed was

The Battle of the Bulge

Fight the flab a battle

Many times a war

Weighing scales abandoned

In disgust upon the floor.

I have tried so hard to win

And the battle it's been long

A body once so slender

Just a memory now long gone

As the years passed by

The inches they have lengtherned

From a waist once sleek and trim 

A waist now I never mention

Stuffing cream cakes, wine,

Chips and chocolate bars

Once a time I walked

Now I rush around in cars

So a diet I start with relish

With this I soon fall down

To slim to fit a skinny dress

Must it fit I start to frown

A night out surely is what I need

All dressed up and looking good

I'll wine and dine and live it up

With friends around in festive mood

Perhaps a corset is the answer

'Marks and Sparks' will make me trim

I look at one a flattened tum'

Another to keep the bottom in

I try one on it is a struggle

The expanding lycre will not stretch

I try it round my rounded bottom

It will not budge I must confess

The assistant measures me, just to prove

"That Madams wrong the size is right"

I struggle, twist, it will not move

"This corset, I scream is far to tight"

The mangeress comes the scene

Stares a me inside this thing

Then a beguiling smile comes awe he face

"Why Madam you look nice and slim"

"Yes I do look rather slender

Yes a quick way to shed so much fat"

"Would Madam rather keep it on

Than have the corset nicely packed"

My breath is shallow I nod my head

I find my voice  it comes in gasps

My clothes now on the glass I glance

"Why yes I don't look quite so fat"

   My head held high I leave the store

Walking with a swaggering gait

I'm sure I hear a whistle or two

"Well they say it's never to late"

"Oh, how far" the car at last

Such relief, I must sit down

My body won't yield, so stiff in limb

My bottom I find I can't bend round

I travelled home hunched in the car

Crunched and feeling awful sore

A journey I remember well

A journey I'll not wish for more

Fed up and stiff, I only frown

As I struggle with my corset down
It's not much fun this looking slim

And gladly fling it in the bin

Magazines glare back at me

With girls so lovely and so trim

The battle's lost, but I am happy

The cost was much to be so slim

So now I let it all hang out

The bits no longer in their place,

Middle age spread is here to stay

I don't care 'cause I feel great.

by Judith Owston

The Shopkeeper and Invisible Intruder

The 'shopkeeper' enjoyed the views on her journey to work today was specially beautiful, the sun shining, the early spring heather coming into full leaf, everything emerging into life after a long dark brown winter, the whole countryside was wakening up.

Full of the joys of spring as she rushed into her shop, the 'shopkeeper' proceeded with opening up, first the lights on, doors unlocked, her signs out and the sun blind down. Then returning to the shop to get her breath back, she surveyed in silence deciding her next immediate chore, but it wasn't silent, listening she could hear a scuffling sound, "what on earth is making that noise" then a loud 'jack' sound called again and again.The 'shopkeeper' walked over to the slatted shelving where all the mugs where stacked and listened. From behind the shelving the scuffling continued obviously a young Jackdaw was trapped behind the metal slatted shelves how it had found it self there was a mystery, no time to do anything as customers were beginning to drift in. The 'shopkeeper' quickly retreated behind the counter nonchalantly tiding up hoping no one would notice anything amiss.

Two young teenagers were looking at her stock one viewing a card stand full of quirky cards the other fingering jewellery hanging down by the mugs when a loud 'jack ya....k jack' noise sounded out in front of the young girl. Dropping the bracelet she was holding, she stared at the metal slats where, scuffles, flapping noise, a scratching sound, seemed to emerge out of the wall. The girl retreated grabbed her friend by the arm, her friend turned and looked across more 'scratching' they both walked slowly out of the shop, outside they burst out giggling and ran away at full speed. The 'shopkeeper' witness all this and was not pleased, she muttered to herself "I'll have to do summat' about it". The other shoppers not aware of all the comings and goings carried on looking at, decorative candles, greeting cards, soft toys, as they meticulously searched through the stock the way women do.

One lady came over to the counter the apprehensive 'shopkeeper' asked "can I help" the lady busy looking at all the jars of old fashioned sweets behind the counter. Smiled then replied "yes can I have some black...." stopped in full flow as a loud 'jack' ejaculated across the shop. The 'shopkeeper ' continued, (an outward look, of being unperturbed by the interjection of the non visible feathered visitor), "blackjacks" she confirmed. The flustered customer "no, black...." again interruption "ja....ck". The smiling 'shopkeeper' wearing her shopkeeper's selling smile raised her voice hopefully to drown out any more interruptions, trying manfully to carry on with the pretence of casualness, "Pontefract cakes". The now very annoyed lady customer said "I wish you would not interrupt when I am asking you 'black b........" another 'jack' came from our feathered intruder. The 'shopkeeper' calm facade was beginning to wane "bullets" she winced, then again the 'jack' noise.

The irate lady barged out of the shop and flounced into the street. A customer watching the proceedings from behind, came over to the counter and said "I saw all that and I am sure it was that man over there by the jewellery who was causing all the mischief" looking at the 'shopkeeper' conspiratorially she leaned over and lowered her voice "because that was where all the noise was coming from" then a loud 'jack' seemed to confirm the observing lady customer's accusations "see" she said.

The man came over to the counter with some jewellery and was just about to open his mouth and speak when the observing lady glowered at him and said "I am sure our 'shopkeeper' can do very well with out people like you in her shop". He turned and said "what do you mean". "What do I mean, what do I mean, you know what I mean, being clever and interrupting with rude noises while over there". "I didn't, and it wasn't me" he replied raising his voice "it was from ...". "Oh stop trying to wriggle out of it" she sarcastically yelled back. The shopkeeper felt she ought to interrupt. When the observing lady pushed the man on the shoulder "go on out" pushed him again "go on out". The man stumbling backwards as he was pushed, flung the jewellery down on the counter, beads flying all over the place and yelled "what's your problem woman" and marched out of the shop with the observing lady rushing behind him. The 'shopkeeper' frantically scrambling around picking up all the beads, other customers joining in grabbing the beads as they rolled all over scattering among her stock and rolling along the floor.

What was all that about a grey haired elderly woman with a woolly hat on, asked. "Oh just some misunderstanding" the dispirited 'shopkeeper' said. The woolly hat lady said "I think one of your soft toys are talking it must have a faulty mechanism in", just then a loud 'jack ya....k' noise echoed across the shop floor "there did you hear it". The 'shopkeeper' said "mm' I think you're right". The woolly hat lady said "I'll have this little rabbit isn't it cute" when a 'scratching' and then 'jack' noise. Did you hear that it's doing it again I would get it fixed if I was you" the 'shopkeeper wrapped her little rabbit tilled the money smiled "yes I will, thank you"

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Luck wasn't all bad for our 'shopkeeper' because in come the young rather fetching local gamekeeper for his usual supply of sweets "ah just the person I need, ple....ase help me" she pleaded. "how can I do that" he smiled drolly. "Listen can you hear" then a scratching noise answered "It's a jackdaw trapped behind the shelving". "How on earth did the creature get there" the 'gamekeeper' asked. The 'shopkeeper' explained that behind the slatted shelving is an old fire place and some how the Jackdaw had fallen down the chimney and scrambled along behind the shelving. "Now" bending down on her knees "if I pull out some of the shelving from the bottom, you can hopefully reach in and grab him, OK". The 'gamekeeper' obligingly reached his hand in, then pulled back quickly as the bird gave him a sharp peck "the little bugger" our fetching 'gamekeeper' retorted. "Wait, I'll make more room" down on the floor with the fetching gamekeeper the 'shopkeeper' dismantled more shelving.

A customer arrived in and could hear the conversation as she stood behind a large free standing fitting, and smiled to herself as she listened. "now can you get it out" the 'shopkeeper' asked. The 'gamekeeper' reached in again this time he caught hold of a leg "I've got it". The inquisitive customer filled with eager curiosity stood up on her tiptoes so she could just see over the free standing shelving gasped when she saw the 'gamekeeper' flat out on the floor with the 'shopkeeper' likewise beside him, she very quietly left the shop grinning widely to herself.

Success at last for our two gallant rescuers, as the 'gamekeeper' held the squawking bird who obviously did not appreciate the attempts at being rescued. "Come on let's go to the door and free him" a relieved shopkeeper announced. "It's just a young one, they must have been nesting in your chimney" the young 'gamekeeper' said holding the bird firmly round the wings, they both walked to the door.

Outside in the sunshine the freed 'jackdaw' flapped its wings flew over to a tree looked back and cried "jack, jack, ya.....k".

Looking at the bird in the tree the 'shopkeeper' said more to herself rather than the 'gamekeeper'.

"I think that 'jack, jack, ya...k' is saying, their mad, I'm glad to get out of there".