Santa and the Climate Change

Santa and the Climate Change.

© By Judith Owston

Santa was in a dilemma the cause of the dilemma was all to do with the Climate Change, Christmas was approaching he knew he must do something. The credit crunch its big head looming everywhere only made matters worse. The presents to buy or make was his main concern this he had solved. He still had a major task to deal with and that was his Sleigh, the sleigh had served him well for more years than he could remember. Now with the warming up of the planet and the snow disappearing, looking at his sleigh the problem was quite obvious he needed wheels, to ask someone to design the new mode of transport was out of the question. The credit crunch had put the kibosh on that, so into his workshop he laboured turning metal, screwing bolts, doing all the things that were necessary. Yes Santa can be quite ingenious when he gets going, how do you think you get all those unusual toys, (I know a lot don’t work, does that matter he still is pretty good). So the way we humans are making a pigs ear of everything meant by the look of things, these wheels were to last a very long time. At last the job was finished, his sweat, labour and toil, had accomplished a very strong looking machine.

Now Rudolph can be a bit touchy, he had been with Santa quite some years and he knew Santa could get a bit carried away with himself. He took one look at the sleigh and though

“Yes, wheels were needed but making them out of cast iron, what was the man thinking about, you can tell he’s not pulling the sleigh”.

Rudolph decided he had had enough, he was going on strike, years ago at Christmas the presents were an apple, orange, a few nuts and sweets if you were lucky. The Electric Train Sets, Scalextric Car Sets, were now out of fashion to Rudolph’s relief because a lot of those sets could weigh a ton.

“Now its computer games and with those you needed computers as well, and a pile of them can have the sweat running races down me nose making my nose a much brighter red than it already was. No at times Santa doesn’t think, he just doesn’t think. He gets these badly thought out wild cat schemes and this time he has gone over the top. How was he expecting me to get airborne pulling the sleigh with those cast iron wheels when we have to take flight, no Santa doesn’t think and anyway the sleigh is not really the most ideal kind of transport but I’m not letting on as I might lose my job”

Rudolph muttered all these thought to himself as he chewed on his cud.

Santa a bit upset at Rudolph’s response, he had worked long and hard on the modification to the sleigh.

“What does the animal expect after all he was very lucky to get the job as nobody wanted him with that red nose of his, he always looked as though he was recovering from a cold, or he had had to many sessions putting away to much of the hard stuff”.

He thought he probably did have a point, when he said he couldn't make his legs go faster enough to get momentum for take off.

“Perhaps I could put a rocket booster on the back that should solve all the problems”.

So back to his workshop a pile of unused fireworks he thought would be ideal, along with some blue touch paper, and somewhere in the back of his workshop he had some dynamite lying about. Now health and safety would have a field day if they visited Santa’s workshop. Fortunately Santa was not on their itinerary. He worked away whistling a happy tune to himself
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the one’s we used to have
Why, he was whistling that particular song I do not know, I think it should have been Rudolph singing it. Santa was so happy when he was making things, the computer business he could not get his head round. So these expensive digital toys he had to buy in amounting to rather a large outlay for Santa and not as much fun, to be back inventing suited him down to ground. He was aware he mustn’t go into orbit only the airway lanes. At Christmas the airline pilots always knew to be aware of Santa and gave him a wide birth as a collision with Santa and all those toys could be quite devastating not only for Santa and all the children waiting for the toys, but also for the crew and passengers. It was a bit dodgy for the airline pilots as Santa could be a bit unpredictably as he was inclined to switch lanes at the last minute.
When Rudolph heard about the Rocket Booster he was rather concerned, he really did think things were getting out of hand.

“What on earth was this white bearded old man thinking of”.

In fact he seemed to get worse as he got older. So he told him straight

“I am not pulling that sleigh with that rocket thing on the back, it might go off and where would we be, in outer space. No I am going on strike, and that is final”

Santa was a bit put out by Rudolph lack of faith and enthusiasm in his inventions he had put a lot of work into the rocket booster. He thought

“That silly old reindeer was a bit of a stick in the mud and out of date. It was him that complained about the heaviness of the modification all I am doing was trying to take the weight off the poor chap’s feet. What can I do at this late stage it’s a bit short notice to train up a new reindeer to do the pulling and old Rudolph has been with me a long time. Oh well I could fix some plastic pram wheels on for this Christmas they should be light enough and to store on the sleigh for spares as I’m sure spares of those flimsy will be needed on rout”.

Santa thought again and muttered to himself

“Dam, I am not going to be preached at be a four legged wimp, I have put a lot of thought into these modifications and I am jolly well going ahead, I’m not being to be put off”

Santa decided to have a little chat with Rudolph.

“Look Rudolph old chap, we have to sort all this out we can’t go on the way we are now, I have put a safety clause into the improvements. I have made two rockets and if we do go into orbit I can use the second rocket to fetch us back. Does that make you feel any happier?”

Rudolph shook his head sadly and looked Santa in the eye and agreed. Jobs were not two a penny and at his age trying to get a new job would not be easy.

Christmas Eve they were all packed ready, Santa in his famous Red suit and Rudolph with his thick hair brushed and a woolly hat on his head. Santa lit the blue touch paper of the first rocket and then quickly jumped on to the sleigh yelling to Rudolph “three two one, take off”. The sleigh was thrust up into the air Rudolph with his head stretched out making his body as streamline as he could Santa shot off the sleigh up into the air grabbing Rudolph round the neck he clung on for dear life. They went up higher and higher climbing at the speed of light. An airline pilot said to his co’

“Was that Santa”

The co pilot gleaned the sky

“I can’t see anything boss”,

As Santa and Rudolph were going at such fast speed. Eventually Rudolph got some of his breath back

“Santa do something we are now in orbit”

They were circling the earth, Santa could see Earth

“Look Rudolph turn the sleigh for earth be prepared I am setting off the second rocket”

This was proving to be rather difficult as to reach the blue touch paper from where he was hanging round Rudolph’s neck nearly choking the poor beast. Keeping a tight hold on the reins he leaned his full length along Rudolph’s back, stretched out and grabbed the front of the sleigh, inching his way along he arrived slowly to the back of the sleigh. Poor Santa’s heart was pounding like the beat of a drummer in a pop band and as loud. His hands shaking he rummaged in his pockets found the matches teeth chattering, cupping his hands he struck the match. Success at, last the blue touch paper lit on his fourth attempt, he turned his head and yelled to Rudolph.

“Hang on”.

At last they landed in the middle of the Sahara desert a lot of nomads stared at them believing it was the second coming of Christ or Mohamed. The nomads all crouched to the ground bowing there heads.
Santa stood up shook of all the star dust and rummaged in his sleigh for the toy camels he had made.
The Nomad children lined up to receive their presents, one child said to the other

“I thought we were promised mobile phones and computers”.

Santa and Rudolph didn’t hear as they were now on their way trying out the new wheels, poor Rudolph with sweat pouring down his face making his bright red nose much redder.

Happy Christmas