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On her day off The Shopkeeper, enjoys being at home and one of her favourite occupations is baking. Oh how she loves baking and how she loves eating what she has baked The Shopkeeper prefers to say samples. Another little draw back to the widening waist line is her shop, the shop has lots of those old fashioned jars of sweets and they too, beg to be sampled and oh how frequent this little chore is repeated.
Below you will find the tormented shopkeeper trying to come to terms with the results of this pleasant and enjoyable pastime, in a very logical way.
I looked in the mirror my reflection showed an image I did not like, rather too rounded round the waist and other parts that hang out in front and behind. I like food and the thought of a diet of salads and more salad did not thrill. Switching on the radio just in time for the news, the news reader’s pristine voice declared that Britain was the most obese nation in Europe and if we continued in this vein we would soon catch up and overtake the USA the world’s most obese nation. I wondered to myself how on earth do they come up with these amazing facts, are we all watched and documented. After hearing the news about Britain being the most obese nation in Europe I prodded my rounded bottom and felt rather guilty, ‘this is all I want to hear, drat it, I was about to eat a piece of coffee and walnut cake’. I love baking and this coffee and walnut cake excelled my culinary skills. It had turned out very light and spongy, I had produced the perfect appetising dessert with the combination of coffee and walnuts, to finish off I had covered the cake with coffee flavoured butter icing decorating the top with pieces of walnuts. The thought of not tasting my culinary expertise I found a bit depressing, standing side way’s looking in the mirror I did not look quite so fat, now the taste buds were working overtime at the thought of the cake I really felt I should not disappoint them. Then the radio started to pontificate on how much food we wasted, all ending up in land fill sites, this throw away food was contributing to the greenhouse effect due to all the methane gas released.
So for the sake of the planet it appeared I had no other choice but to eat the cake.
‘Oh how delicious it tasted’ as I licked my lips looking at the cake I thought ‘why not’ and I cut another generous helping, this time I made a pot of tea to enjoy along with my delicious desert, I ate and licked lips drank tea to wash down the light spongy coffee cream cake, I now thought as I looked at the remnants of my cake I may as well eat the rest.
I leaned back in my chair feeling very full and satisfied, ‘that was delicious’ then a thought struck me ‘why oh why do we have these thoughts’ enjoying the cake and saving the planet, all at the same time had been very assuring, but what about my waist line and the first announcement on the news ‘we are the most obese nation in Europe’ I could have left the cake for husband, he’s as thin as a beanpole. My husband loves my home baking and absolutely loves my sponge cakes this sponge was of my most excellence and I’m sure he would have enjoyed every crumb. The radio was still chattering on , they now said we were a nation of couch potatoes, we watched television, played on computers, travelled about in cars, the only exercise was our fingers as we pressed the TV remote, or the key board on the computer, or our mouths as we talked on the very popular mobile phones, they also remonstrated about the fast foods we all consumed leading to a high cholesterol intake, they continued with the news that if we carried on like this we would all die prematurely of a heart attack.
My conclusion of all this information these very clever people were getting excited about, was to overeat do no exercise and then if we die young the planet would be saved from all the human activity that is destroying it.
As for my waist line, I needn’t bother.
© Judith Owston
Below you will find the tormented shopkeeper trying to come to terms with the results of this pleasant and enjoyable pastime, in a very logical way.
The Battle of the Waist and Waste
I looked in the mirror my reflection showed an image I did not like, rather too rounded round the waist and other parts that hang out in front and behind. I like food and the thought of a diet of salads and more salad did not thrill. Switching on the radio just in time for the news, the news reader’s pristine voice declared that Britain was the most obese nation in Europe and if we continued in this vein we would soon catch up and overtake the USA the world’s most obese nation. I wondered to myself how on earth do they come up with these amazing facts, are we all watched and documented. After hearing the news about Britain being the most obese nation in Europe I prodded my rounded bottom and felt rather guilty, ‘this is all I want to hear, drat it, I was about to eat a piece of coffee and walnut cake’. I love baking and this coffee and walnut cake excelled my culinary skills. It had turned out very light and spongy, I had produced the perfect appetising dessert with the combination of coffee and walnuts, to finish off I had covered the cake with coffee flavoured butter icing decorating the top with pieces of walnuts. The thought of not tasting my culinary expertise I found a bit depressing, standing side way’s looking in the mirror I did not look quite so fat, now the taste buds were working overtime at the thought of the cake I really felt I should not disappoint them. Then the radio started to pontificate on how much food we wasted, all ending up in land fill sites, this throw away food was contributing to the greenhouse effect due to all the methane gas released.
So for the sake of the planet it appeared I had no other choice but to eat the cake.
‘Oh how delicious it tasted’ as I licked my lips looking at the cake I thought ‘why not’ and I cut another generous helping, this time I made a pot of tea to enjoy along with my delicious desert, I ate and licked lips drank tea to wash down the light spongy coffee cream cake, I now thought as I looked at the remnants of my cake I may as well eat the rest.
I leaned back in my chair feeling very full and satisfied, ‘that was delicious’ then a thought struck me ‘why oh why do we have these thoughts’ enjoying the cake and saving the planet, all at the same time had been very assuring, but what about my waist line and the first announcement on the news ‘we are the most obese nation in Europe’ I could have left the cake for husband, he’s as thin as a beanpole. My husband loves my home baking and absolutely loves my sponge cakes this sponge was of my most excellence and I’m sure he would have enjoyed every crumb. The radio was still chattering on , they now said we were a nation of couch potatoes, we watched television, played on computers, travelled about in cars, the only exercise was our fingers as we pressed the TV remote, or the key board on the computer, or our mouths as we talked on the very popular mobile phones, they also remonstrated about the fast foods we all consumed leading to a high cholesterol intake, they continued with the news that if we carried on like this we would all die prematurely of a heart attack.
My conclusion of all this information these very clever people were getting excited about, was to overeat do no exercise and then if we die young the planet would be saved from all the human activity that is destroying it.
As for my waist line, I needn’t bother.
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