The Stony Faced Woman

The Stony Faced Woman

Winter is The Shopkeeper’s worse months once Christmas is over, trade just seems to collapse. The big shops in towns have their January sales; to have sales in January in a touristy area with tourists thin on the ground just does not work, so the poor shopkeeper finds it on the whole quite a depressing time. Spring cleaning looms its burly head only the enthusiasm does not, in a gift shop cleaning is not the easiest task as knocking over small ornaments and smashing them is easily done.

So The Shopkeeper doggedly gets out all her cleaning utensils and unhappily goes to work; of course just as she is about to clear a shelf of a set of six cut lead crystal brandy glasses, in flies a young boy not seeing the ladder crashes into it The Shopkeeper balanced on one of the rung’s of the ladder holding a brandy glass of cut glass lead crystal wobbled grabbed the side of ladder the crystal glass flew up in the air and landed on the boy’s head then rolled down the back of the youngsters head as the boy fell over to the floor the glass then rolled gently onto the ground, miraculously after its untimely adventure the glass was still in one piece.

The Shopkeeper feeling rather shaken after her experience, to her distress found her self facing a very Stony Faced Woman “what is going on” a loud booming voice spat into the face of the shaken shopkeeper. The Stony Faced Woman then looked down at the clumsy boy and yelled “you get up” grabbing him by the collar and as she moved her feet she trod on the lead crystal brandy glass, THE miraculous glass from the set of six “what was that” she loudly exclaimed as she looked down at her feet. Turning to the Shopkeeper “you are very careless leaving glassware lying about on the floor” The Shopkeeper opened her mouth to explain but The Stony Face Woman continued in her very loud ranting voice. “My boy could have cut himself on that glass when he fell” still speaking very loudly as she pushed her offspring out of the door “I don’t know the standard of service is falling by the minute”.
This episode angered The Shopkeeper who muttered to herself “ha’, the standard of politeness has disappeared with some people”. She then busily cleared up the mess of glass and sadly thought to her self “that has spoiled the set of six brandy glasses I suppose I will have to reduce considerably to clear”. When to her amazement The Stony Faced Woman strode back into the shop “by the way have you got a set of brandy glasses, I would like a good set 'hand cut lead crystal” The Shopkeeper smiled and said "I have a set of four on special offer and the manufactures are giving away an extra one free in case you break one", lifting down the brandy glass with the price tag tied round the stem from the incomplete set of six. The Shopkeeper calmly showed The Stony Faced woman the glass “this one is from the set of four with the extra one thrown in, please forgive my pun” The Smiling Shopkeeper handed The Stony Faced Woman the brandy glass whose face was set in a cold curt unforgiving expression she looked at the glass with a critical eye “is this the price” she said examining the price tag The Shopkeeper replied “yes and it is a very good price considering you get the extra one free” The Stony Faced Woman sensing a bargain off handedly said “parcel the brandy glass set up, my husband will put them in the car” just then a small quiet Apology of a Man came into view
“Yes dear”
“take the parcel to the car and don’t let the boy near it” the stony face woman give out her orders in her brusque manner The Shopkeeper nicely finished the wrapping of the Brandy glasses and handed the parcel over to the Apology of a Man who timidly smiled back at her.
Then she graciously asked “are you paying by card or cash”

“Cash” The Stony Faced Woman announced counting the notes out on the counter the Smiling Shopkeeper tilled up the money and thanked the couple the Apology of a Man smiled a weak smile back as he carried the parcel clutched tightly under his arm.

The Stony Faced Woman strode out in front with her nose up in the air while the Apology of a Man trotted meekly behind. The Shopkeeper watched the couple with a broad smile on her face still smiling she turned to the ladder and thought “that’s enough spring cleaning for today” and gathered up her utensils, ladder and put them away.
© Judith Owston

The Battle of the Waist and Waste

On her day off The Shopkeeper, enjoys being at home and one of her favourite occupations is baking. Oh how she loves baking and how she loves eating what she has baked The Shopkeeper prefers to say samples. Another little draw back to the widening waist line is her shop, the shop has lots of those old fashioned jars of sweets and they too, beg to be sampled and oh how frequent this little chore is repeated.

Below you will find the tormented shopkeeper trying to come to terms with the results of this pleasant and enjoyable pastime, in a very logical way.

The Battle of the Waist and Waste

I looked in the mirror my reflection showed an image I did not like, rather too rounded round the waist and other parts that hang out in front and behind. I like food and the thought of a diet of salads and more salad did not thrill. Switching on the radio just in time for the news, the news reader’s pristine voice declared that Britain was the most obese nation in Europe and if we continued in this vein we would soon catch up and overtake the USA the world’s most obese nation. I wondered to myself how on earth do they come up with these amazing facts, are we all watched and documented. After hearing the news about Britain being the most obese nation in Europe I prodded my rounded bottom and felt rather guilty, ‘this is all I want to hear, drat it, I was about to eat a piece of coffee and walnut cake’. I love baking and this coffee and walnut cake excelled my culinary skills. It had turned out very light and spongy, I had produced the perfect appetising dessert with the combination of coffee and walnuts, to finish off I had covered the cake with coffee flavoured butter icing decorating the top with pieces of walnuts. The thought of not tasting my culinary expertise I found a bit depressing, standing side way’s looking in the mirror I did not look quite so fat, now the taste buds were working overtime at the thought of the cake I really felt I should not disappoint them. Then the radio started to pontificate on how much food we wasted, all ending up in land fill sites, this throw away food was contributing to the greenhouse effect due to all the methane gas released.
So for the sake of the planet it appeared I had no other choice but to eat the cake.
‘Oh how delicious it tasted’ as I licked my lips looking at the cake I thought ‘why not’ and I cut another generous helping, this time I made a pot of tea to enjoy along with my delicious desert, I ate and licked lips drank tea to wash down the light spongy coffee cream cake, I now thought as I looked at the remnants of my cake I may as well eat the rest.
I leaned back in my chair feeling very full and satisfied, ‘that was delicious’ then a thought struck me ‘why oh why do we have these thoughts’ enjoying the cake and saving the planet, all at the same time had been very assuring, but what about my waist line and the first announcement on the news ‘we are the most obese nation in Europe’ I could have left the cake for husband, he’s as thin as a beanpole. My husband loves my home baking and absolutely loves my sponge cakes this sponge was of my most excellence and I’m sure he would have enjoyed every crumb. The radio was still chattering on , they now said we were a nation of couch potatoes, we watched television, played on computers, travelled about in cars, the only exercise was our fingers as we pressed the TV remote, or the key board on the computer, or our mouths as we talked on the very popular mobile phones, they also remonstrated about the fast foods we all consumed leading to a high cholesterol intake, they continued with the news that if we carried on like this we would all die prematurely of a heart attack.
My conclusion of all this information these very clever people were getting excited about, was to overeat do no exercise and then if we die young the planet would be saved from all the human activity that is destroying it.
As for my waist line, I needn’t bother.

© Judith Owston

The Stockings (Some of the problems some customers have)

The Stockings
by Judith Owston

The Shopkeeper has annex a framing business along side her gift shop incorporating the poor long suffering husband to do the actual framing The Shopkeeper does assist in the framing, husband measures and makes all the parts such as frames, mounts, cut’s glass, or anything else that’s needed, The Shopkeeper cleans the glass, assembles, inserts points to hold together, and seals up with tape and stretches embroidery to be framed.
A customer who has had many of her favourite prints and pictures framed at The Shopkeepers emporium came to collect her latest pieces of artwork. The Framing Customer fetch an Elderly Friend with her, before collecting the framed pictures the two browsed, rummaging through the shop looking for that must have necessity as women do. Women are so gifted at shopping, men on the other hand are useless, they look either bored or bemused when shopping with these expertly knowledgeable shoppers, they usually shop when they realise there’s no food in the house, or the beer stocks are low. The Shopkeeper pondering on these thought as she observed the two ladies, was suddenly jolted out of her reverie by The Elderly Friend complaining her legs were tired. The Shopkeeper quickly produced her chair which parks at the end of the ice cream counter. A chair is a very useful piece of furniture to have in a shop, certainly the sort of shop The Shopkeeper owns. The Shopkeeper tentatively inquired about her legs
The Elderly Friend sat down with some relief and immediately remonstrated about the state of her swollen and aching lower limbs at some length. She leaned down and pulled up her trousers and exposed her legs, revealing crinkly thick, slipping down, knee stockings on skinny legs with ankles wider than her calves
“These are meant to be those elastic stockings from the doctors, them that hold ye legs in and look at them” they did appear to be rather slack The Shopkeeper thought.
The Shopkeeper likewise to the surprise of all the shoppers exhibited her legs and said “mm’ mine look to be a different make, they seem to be finer and tighter” then looking at the Elderly Friend “ask the doctor if you can have the make by ‘Dr Scholl they are better and tighter”
This advice the Elderly Friend took on board with much candour. A determined expression crossed her face; sort of serious with lips pursed an expression which told the onlooker she meant business.
“Right I am, as this is no good” she announced to all around.
The Framing Customer face had a smile on as she perused round the shop listening to the interjection between the two.
The Shopkeeper parcelled up the framed prints for the Framing Customer who was delighted with the results. A little smile broke across The Shopkeeper’s face enjoying the praise of a satisfied customer.
Eventually done with all their purchases they left the shop both happy and deep in thought; The Elderly Friend appearing taller, a woman with a mission. The Framing Customer planning her décor carried a faraway expression on her face. Both satisfied customers with different needs.
……………………………………………………………………………………….

A week or two later; The Shopkeeper doing her usual early morning walk with her dog before work, on the home ward stretch spied a group of people waiting at the bus stop. Thinking her dog would be jumping up and down to say hello as dogs do she crossed the road. A voice called “hello” The Shopkeeper looked round to find one of the people by the bus stop crossing the road to way lay her. The rather breathless Elderly Friend accosted her “I went to the doctors and I got those stockings you advised I didn’t land you in it I just said my sister-in-law has different ones and they are better, hers are called Dr Scholl so can I have them and they said yes, I’ve got them on they stay up better” pulling up her trousers to reveal her leg to all and sundries in the street “but look at the colour they are awful and that is suppose to be sand”
“Yes but they do go lighter when you wash them” The Shopkeeper said with a smile on her face
…………………………………………………………………………………………

A few weeks later The Framing customer came in went straight to the chair at the end of the ice cream counter crashing her heavy bulk down on the chair. She smiled at The Shopkeeper “I have decorated my bedroom and hung up the pictures” rummaging in her bag she displayed the pillow case “this is what the new bed covers are like” the pillow case was satin in pale blue design. Rather elegant and posh The Shopkeeper thought, then thinking of her own ordinary bed cover’s, had another more sensible thought running through her head, “not very practicable”.
“So you are pleased with your new decor'” The Shopkeeper interjected with a wise comment
“Oh yes its lovely” The Framing Customer replied beaming a satisfied smile on her face.

TEA. The Shopkeeper's favourite drink

Tea
How tea the simple beverage
Has shaped our very lives
The tea-break so essential
A break to helps us thrive
The steaming beverage waits,
As workers to the canteens rush,
The workers grab their steaming mugs
The canteen soon fills with hush

Afternoon tea a delicacy,
Toasted tea cakes, scones, jam and bread
Table-cloths, pretty china tea-sets
Help’s to make this lovely spread
A gathering of gentle ladies
Refined, polite and very posh
Stretch delicately out their little fingers,
Sipping from their china cup

Along some tiny street it hides
The little tea shop we long to find
So we can rest our weary legs
And then at last we see the tea pot sign
To sit down for that longed for rest
By tables, with white cloths so starched
No better joy can we impart
To quench a thirst that’s now so parched

©Judith Owston

The Shopkeeper: The Snow

The Shopkeeper: The Snow

The Snow

Snow

So much snow, to run a gift shop in a remote village in the winter does have its problems and one of the problems for our shopkeeper this year, is travelling to her small emporium. But stoically The Shopkeeper valiantly makes the journey on the unaccustomed snowy roads, recent winters have been very mild so mild the media have dwelt much on global warming but this winter a complete contrast developed in December with snow falling carpeting the countryside glistening white. When the first snow arrived it took everyone by surprise The Shopkeeper bravely set out on roads that were very snowy and icy; the snow plough had not been round the conditions were quite arctic she gingerly travelled at 20mph. Her heart pounding she arrived in the village of Middleton-in-Teesdale very relieved to be in one piece.
The first job was to clear a pathway through the snow from her car to the back door of the shop. Then out in the front of her shop the same problem arose snow everywhere, out came her strong brush and she set to work clearing the whole pavement in front of the shop. This is not technically her job but she knew if she left it would travel into her shop making a fine old mess.
Each day running up to Christmas snow everywhere The Shopkeeper did find people were more in the Christmas spirit of things and were purchasing for Christmas as she cleared the pavement outside her shop of snow and slush she mused on these thoughts Christmas shopping had been slow to start; but with the white powder falling everywhere people had certainly got into the Christmassy spirit. So busy with the snow clearing The Shopkeeper was neglecting her shop glancing in she could see people waiting at the counter, she called “sorry I’m just clearing the snow” as she headed to her counter, “that’s not your job” the customer said her hands full of various items soft toys, Christmas paper, and many other goodies, she plonked them down on the small area of The Shopkeepers reserved piece of counter. The rest of her counter full of things various, as her sales reps’ ever increasing demands must be ‘at point of sale’ consequently the counter resembling a picturesque flower bed of plants tumbling over encroaching ever more of the trading area.

After the Christmas break the snow continued building up higher the countryside resembling more the traditional Christmas card. Snow ploughs valiantly keeping the roads open, The Shopkeeper cautiously journeying to her shop. Trade very much slumped due to the inclement conditions people were very cautious only making necessary journeys to the village and tourist who ventured out to the dale were also fewer. So The Shopkeeper had little to do except clear snow as it piled up in front of her small emporium. Lots of days she found herself keeping an eagle eye on the weather making a quick retreat up to the hill village of her home. On one particular day The Shopkeeper seeing the snow falling some what heavier with bigger flakes decided it was time to flee. The harrowing journey home wards through the blizzard conditions was quite hair-raising with the howling wind blowing from the snow clad moor forming drifts on the road fortunately a tractor loomed up in front. The Shopkeeper tense behind the wheel of her car felt somewhat relieved to see through the fog of drifting snow the sign of life if rather remote as her car skidded along. Not daring to stop as she knew her two wheeled drive car would skid and stick as she tried to resume. Then through the car mirror she spied another tractor behind, now feeling much more secure she plunge on keeping the momentum going driving from one side of the road to the other as she manoeuvred her car round the forming drifts. The journey seemed to take an age her hands sweating on the steering wheel while her body aching with tension as she peered through the windscreen, the wipers valiantly moving from side to side clearing snow with their steady reliable motion. At last her village then to The Shopkeeper’s relief her home, pulling in to the deep, piling up snow in the house gateway The Shopkeeper slumped down in her car seat only to be aware of the pounding of her heart, as relief washed over her, to be home at last.
Yes winter trading in her small gift shop does have problems most town shops could never envisage. The hazards of keeping a small country shop going are far removed from the imaginations of the masses.

Another Poem

Cat and Molly

The Cat tugged, chewed, pulled at the string
Molly playfully dangling, the string in the air
Rolling on his back, he clutched the string tightly
Pulling tight to his chest, with all his might and care
Molly pulled back tautly, then back with a snap
Cat bounded on all fours, as string freed from his grasp




























Molly now high, dangling string to the ground
Cat pounced and chased, as the string dangled around
Molly trailed the string, ‘snake like’ slithering round the floor
Cat watched eagle-eyed, while hiding behind the door
Crouching, tense, alert, Cat darted out, then pounced
Loud laugh from Molly as she circled in gleeful dance

©Judith Owston